My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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