let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
