so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
