i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
