My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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