when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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