She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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