Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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