went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
