i already hear my dad disowning me
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
