He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
