How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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