i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
