i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
