you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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