Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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