fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
How's work?
Spinning.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
