had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
