According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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