It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
They have beer where we have blood.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
