and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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