oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
