My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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