I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
40s are totally the cure
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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