All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
