There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
sarcasm needs its own font
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
