At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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