girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
