What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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