It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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