dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
