i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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