I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Randomize
