when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
