Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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