He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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