i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
