Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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