you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You can't just leave with hair like that
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
