no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
