So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
