did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
