He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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