I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
