its not stalking. its research.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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