Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
