My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
