Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
