Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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