I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Im part way to drunk.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
