You're completely useless in the revolution.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
