Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
