my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
